LET'S BOND

that power chord

2011-11-25T16:50:00.000-08:00

smells like the taste of what I would imagine victory to feel like

Milk sugar and a little bit of time

2010-02-15T21:03:00.000-08:00

I've taken to the visual realm. Live or die, write or die, do or die.

But don't just die.

drink a vanilla milkshake

I'll be there with roses

2010-01-29T08:25:00.001-08:00

Rize - Blood On The Wall

Flamethrower, melt the snow.

2010-01-27T13:19:00.001-08:00

Yeasayer - Ambling Alp from Spy Films on Vimeo.

Sh

2010-01-21T22:18:00.000-08:00

2010-01-16T13:48:00.001-08:00

Take those gloves off, pull me inside

2010-01-10T09:26:00.000-08:00

"No pen, no ink, no table, no room, no time, no quiet, no inclination."

James Joyce

Applesauce

2010-01-07T21:19:00.001-08:00

Happy New Year, Wherever You Are

2009-12-31T20:12:00.000-08:00

Live in appreciation.

2009-12-28T12:03:00.001-08:00

Be Strong

2009-12-06T12:42:00.001-08:00

2009-12-03T22:48:00.001-08:00

At 2 a.m., The Neighborhood Looks Bad

2009-12-03T22:41:00.001-08:00

You evoke the pleasantries of parks and ponds and water fountains in July; foggy memories of a perfect, half-invented childhood, that’s what you are.

And I'm unfolding like bad origami.

2009-11-28T01:00:00.001-08:00

This is all a ridiculous fantasy. Always embracing a memory. Your neck blooming outward into two perfect shoulders, your fingers on a pencil, your feet pressing down on the ground between us, the smell of the recollection of a smell.

I'll migrate with the geese this time next year, remembering to wish harder for better luck.

#8: Hand-Holding & Secret Smiles

2009-11-27T13:26:00.001-08:00

For you Yes you

2009-11-24T20:31:00.001-08:00

The Devil's Dictionary

2009-11-17T10:12:00.001-08:00

CAT, n. A soft, indestructible automaton provided by nature to be
kicked when things go wrong in the domestic circle.

This is a dog,
This is a cat.
This is a frog,
This is a rat.
Run, dog, mew, cat.
Jump, frog, gnaw, rat.

--Ambrose Bierce

Happi Frydae

2009-11-06T14:16:00.000-08:00

This! website is really neat

&

I love this

GOILZ

2009-11-06T14:14:00.001-08:00

The better hi-def version of this video is available here!

Keep Up With The Boys

2009-10-21T11:35:00.000-07:00

A Taste of The Toast from Michael on Vimeo.

!! seasonal depression !!

2009-10-08T17:46:00.001-07:00

wicked love anthem

2009-09-11T12:53:00.001-07:00

I Would See It If They Made It

2009-09-05T10:34:00.000-07:00

Hollywood-ers trying to one-up each other once again...

Hollywood Players Vie to Tell DeLorean's Story

John DeLorean with the DMC-12

Fact: The DeLorean DMC-12 (The only model ever put into production by the short-lived company), otherwise known as the car in Back To The Future, was made out of stainless steel! At one point, the demand was so high and the wait-list so long, some customers offered to pay up to $10,000 above the listed price of $25,000 in order to own the car. About 3,500 of them still exist today.

Reading The Times This Morning...

2009-09-04T12:53:00.001-07:00

This is a great article about New York subway riders and their affinity for books. Why don't I see more people reading on the CTA in Chicago...?

"Reading While Riding"

Image: Ruth Fremson/The New York Times

the best parts of everything

2009-09-03T23:26:00.000-07:00

the best part of september is praying for an indian summer.

the best part of brains are the ones I'll never see

the best part of campfires is s'mores

the best part of being insatiable is all-you-can-eat lobster.

the best part of me is

2009-08-31T14:10:00.001-07:00

ambiguous enough for you

2009-08-31T13:54:00.000-07:00

I don't even remember half the things we said. Nights had to be never-ending. Summer dead and damp, took one look at this place and didn't even bother unpacking her bags.

: : :

The end of it all in three days, the end for the last time; why does this feel like the bottom of my childhood? I tried to tell you I wasn't an adult yet, like a butterfly with two-thirds wings. You said, it doesn't work like that.

: : :

Dipping down below the Mason-Dixon, scenery the same for five hundred miles, the birds behind all our eyes brown and grey. I miss so much, I miss everything, I miss the sand soggy at high tide and the sweaty ocean, I even miss the mosquitoes if it means more.

: : :

It's easy to forget the beauty and the bright lights when familiarity shades the heart, alley lamps shine into a bedroom window but even with the lights off I can see your eyes are open

: : :

Sea-Bird Island. I like that.

ROOF - At the Wit Hotel

2009-08-27T15:11:00.001-07:00

One of the Three Restaurants at the new Wit Hotel--

SITTING ATOP THE WIT HOTEL ON THE 27TH FLOOR, ROOF IS CHICAGO’S UNPARALLELED STARGAZING DESTINATION. A 7,000-SQUARE-FOOT GLAMOROUS, YEAR-ROUND INDOOR/OUTDOOR LOUNGE, ROOF OFFERS STUNNING CITY VIEWS, ROARING FIRE PITS, HANDCRAFTED COCKTAILS, LIVE MUSIC, AND MOST EXHILARATING OF ALL: A SUSPENDED, GLASS-ENCLOSED TABLE FOR EIGHT THAT LITERALLY DANGLES 27 FLOORS ABOVE THE CITY. AN ITALIAN-INSPIRED SMALL PLATES MENU BY ACCLAIMED CHEF TODD STEIN—WELL KNOWN IN THE WINDY CITY FOR THE SOPHISTICATED CONTEMPORARY AMERICAN CUISINE HE CREATED WHILE EXECUTIVE CHEF AT MK, THE RESTAURANT—ROUNDS OUT THE PERFECT EXPERIENCE.

I wish to dine and drink here on my birthday.

ok

2009-03-16T15:26:00.000-07:00

this is an excerpt from a creative non-fiction story i'm working on. i have been so incredibly busy with school and lots of things that i haven't been blogging at allll, writing a TON and going to lots of things, it's story week!

:::

Robert Says 'Violet'

I choose the purple crayon for two reasons. One is because right now, it is my favorite color. The other reason is because I really like this book called Harold and the Purple Crayon, where a little boy draws houses and blankets and moons and balloons that come to life with the touch of his purple crayon. I do the maze but I figured out one day how to always beat it by starting at the end, so that’s where I begin; On my paper placemat, at the table, over the puffy plastic evergreen and white tablecloth, in a pizzeria where my feet don’t yet reach the floor.
I don’t notice until I hear someone cry out loudly, but all of my family has stood up from the table and left me alone. They have gathered in a cluster near the revolving door. It is the middle of the day, during the week, and I haven’t gone to school today because something special is about to happen, someone special. Or so I’ve been told.
My mother has driven me here in her red Mazda van. I don’t know where my dad is. I like to sit all the way in the back of the van and listen to CDs on my headphones. Randy is here, too. We have the same birthday. I know because last year we celebrated together and we ate at a café in Evanston where everything on the menu was seitan and beans and I wanted to go home and eat cake but they gave me a spice muffin instead.
Randy is the reason for this special day, this special someone. Randy lives in the city in an apartment, and he has glasses and has recently shaved his head so I wonder if maybe he has cancer. Once my dad shaved his head on an impulse and my mom said, you look like a cancer patient. I started to cry and felt very serious and said, that’s not funny, cancer is not funny, lots of people die of cancer all the time. I am a child perpetually frightened of myself and everyone I know dying of brain cancer. I hope Randy doesn’t have brain cancer.
Randy likes genealogy. Genealogy and the internet; that’s why we’re all here, at Giordano’s in Skokie, in the middle of the day, and why i didn’t go to school. Because Randy has found Bob, and no one has ever met Bob, except for today. Right now, everyone in my family who I have ever met is meeting Bob, and I am at the table and I am coloring purple on everything and cheating on the maze, and just as I finish it, someone says, Lisa Beth, come over here and meet Robert, and I let the crayon roll off the table and onto the floor as I slide off my booster chair and clamor to the place where my name has been called in my tiny patent leather shoes.

oh also

2009-02-17T13:40:00.000-08:00

sorry to anyone/everyone who came to chicago for awp who was promised a good time (by me, who failed), and probably had a good time anyway and didn't even notice i wasn't around.

i am STILL SICK. but i'm glad i got to sort of see people for, like, ten minutes at quickies. cool.

school is cool

2009-01-29T10:00:00.002-08:00

i am going to write stories about bears now.

also, i am going to the auto show instead of AWP.

just kidding.

i will do both.

HONK

2009-01-21T18:53:00.001-08:00

IF YOU ARE COMING TO CHICAGO FEBRUARY 11TH

to drink everything in is also to feel very full

2009-01-21T16:42:00.000-08:00

i am replaying things in my mind;

i like pressing ‘rewind’ for moments i want to relive again and again,

‘pause’ for the ones i wish would never end,

and ‘slow motion’ for the kissing scenes.

COLLEGE

2009-01-16T12:24:00.001-08:00

back in business baby

i am transferring to the fiction department. i am excited. please, please, please, ultimate ominpotent literary being wherever you are, don't let me fall out of love with writing.

also- awp! what's up! come to chicago i'll show you around! i need to stop with all the exclamation marks huh

once i drew a perfect circle and showed it to someone and they said that's an oval

2009-01-08T14:14:00.001-08:00

i am hormonal and i will tear your hair out

*

i'm nice

*

you have such cute morning legs

*

we are puddles

we are the tender weather

*

you are still the same-- no one ever really changes; that's what i told you, no one ever really changes. you looked at me and said, 'your smile is still the same'

*

i heard your cat drinking out of my water glass and i had to keep myself from laughing. i heard his little mouth moving the ice cubes. you were asleep and i had to laugh silently.

*

i want to make a shirt that says, 'reading is righteous!'

*

sometimes i think you are the reincarnation of an ugly bunny rabbit.

*

i'm still afraid of the dark

2009-01-07T16:05:00.001-08:00

everything has returned! will blog tomorrow!

cat takeover

2009-01-01T17:25:00.000-08:00

first scrabble, then... the world.

adieu, farewell 2008

2008-12-31T09:46:00.000-08:00

new years eve-day is always a good one for reflecting on the past twelve months. so much has happened... i'll have to write down some highlights. let's start a new blog-chain of 2008 events! just kidding.

good riddance, 2008! helloooooo '09

a taste

2008-12-27T16:40:00.001-08:00

what happened?

i left my dress on the floor by the couch.

then what?

i woke up next to a very peaceful looking body

and how did that make you feel?

like a gunshot wound

*

we went to the big grey greenhouse when we were fresh as all its contents. everything smelled so good; my nostrils, my face, my fingers—everything was full of life, full of light. you touched a big leaf and said, this looks like a good salad.

tag, everyone is always 'it'

2008-12-24T22:22:00.000-08:00

ok so there's this thing everyone is yapping about with the tagging and the blogging and the writing (imagine me saying that in a really brooklyn-ie jewish voice). anyhow, the ever-lovely gena mohwish has 'tagged' me. sam pink also tagged me and i think he beat her to the punch, but she's a girl and sorry dude--chix before dix. here goes nothin.

1. this christmas i have vowed to seek out and destroy all people who hum in public. extra special treatment for extra-loud hummers ;)

2. today i was in line trying to buy a train ticket and this woman behind me yelled 'oh, this is the ticket line?! i thought you were all waiting for popppppcorn!'. (wtf?)

3. when i was eight i was playing baseball in the back yard with my dad and i hit a line drive into his nose. i ran towards him, yelling, 'i'm so sorry, daddy! i'm sorry! i'm sorry!' he looked up at me and smiled and said, 'good hit, sweetheart'.

4. last night i saw a man on the El wearing a bright gold wedding band and looking very sad. i tried for a while to make eye contact with him so i could mouth, 'i'm sorry'.

5. i'm really good at 'text twist' on yahoo! games.

6. i got you a present and it was a tiny pickle-ornament from the german market. when i handed it to you, you thought it was a joke and you laughed and threw it into a garbage can on clark street. i didn't say anything and i laughed, too. later i went back to try to find it in the garbage can but then thought i might look homeless, digging through garbage and all, and i gave up. that's the last god damned time i give you anything.

7. my lust for you is diamond-plated. that shit is forever.

i tag:
my dad
tracy brannstrom
ryan bradley
adam coates
shane jones
michelle labedz
dj berndt

i am so lazy and not going to link those people so too bad.

EDIT: if you don't know what this is, since i didn't really explain, write seven things about yourself and then tag seven people.

2008-12-21T16:36:00.000-08:00

i am compiling for a chapbook. i feel excited. what do you feel?

also

2008-12-19T09:30:00.001-08:00

new lamination colony has been out for like a week i think.

i just read gena's poem and it was kickass. hi, gena.

read the other stuff too

2008-12-19T09:22:00.000-08:00

it has snowed i think a little over half a foot in the last few days, and snow is forecasted for the whole weekend.

i am excited.

everyone in chicago complains about the snow, but that's only because they're dumb and drive cars. they should just cross-country ski to work, instead. then maybe chicago wouldn't be the fattest city in america.

the snow has left me feeling inspired. i am excited. bring it on 'climate change'. white christmas.

i got a good idea for a story last night. today i will start to write it. i just decided that when i wrote it but now i feel all the more motivated because of that sentence.

snowball fights!

ramblepost

2008-12-16T10:33:00.000-08:00

astronomical distances
rain
sleet
snow
ubearable humidity
relatively unbearable
darkness
car rides
this cold city
bodies rotating together or apart
in the morning sleepy kisses
stay
becoming a little less revealing for you
becoming a little more for everything else
i have or will become things and places
i have traveled in a fantasy
i have calculated the distance from your ankles to my mouth
(it is far)
wine
kissing
finger touching
sleeping
slipping teetering falling
laughing
subtracting
gambling
flowing a river of blood
drinking your bone marrow when i was sick of feeling mean and thirsty
hurting
sick by only some standards
alone by no means
alone at the counter
by the bathroom watching people kiss and then feeling lousy
(why did you do that?)
i'm glad we are friends
i wish we were more than just friends
you are in love for the first time
all those old callouses slough off the skin of the past
you are in love for the first time and you are excited
you appear apathetic
our relationship will change or remain the same
everything will come full circle
full oval
full cylinder
full square
in the morning my anxiety gets lazy and i feel existential serenity
i increase throughout the day and by nightfall i am terrified of the darkness
i stole a clementine from your apartment and it struck me as falsely romantic
i feel a little false a lot romantic
the shade of your shirt is exquisitve
curves and shapes become confusing
i lie on the floor and become disoriented staring at the back of your head
(you have nice hair; that is important)
green trees streets evergreen aroma
contentedness solitude despair no none today or at least not yet
not consistent enough to be manic
you kissed me in public and i felt alarmed

2008-12-14T10:07:00.000-08:00

to the top of the hancock, wine drunk and gazing out over our expansive kingdom; everything seems so small when you're way up high

2008-12-08T15:58:00.000-08:00

we drew out plans but the inks with which the letters and lines were drawn were only semi-permanent

fleeting december steam only makes this life tinier to us, tinier and more urgent and impossible

cocktails drinks beers and candles, the floor feels like a gymnasium trampoline, you look unimpressed

we can make everything come to life if we draw it well enough and love it long enough

2008-12-07T16:18:00.000-08:00

Reddi Whip me into a frenzy.

i need a haircut.

let's do all the tiny intimate things i fantasize about constantly.

you would put your book-pages down on your extended legs and smoke and watch me writing at the roll-top and i would feel romantically unfulfilled and not look back at you until i heard your eyes shimmering with your back to the wall of my bedroom.

there is no need to draw lines.

today i wash my hair for you. maybe.

sometimes i stare at plants and wonder if they have feelings or if they would scream if we were to touch them or cut them and we just can't hear.

i drink and then have bad handwriting and i tend to drink and then write.

i feel bad and good to see you.

i feel good.

i look forward to it.

i experience sensations of worry and regret constantly.

you are pretty and you are snow and you are sad and you are my muse.

you are a desert and i grow on you despite all odds.

2008-12-07T12:39:00.000-08:00

i like you but you're full of grammatical errors

2008-11-30T15:44:00.000-08:00

it's snowing here. more like sleeting. my toes are cold. november is over. this year has been the weirdest. i want to spoon you on my couch and then i want you to spoon my cat and then i want you to feed me simmering tomato sauce off a wooden spoon in the kitchen with a rag over your shoulder and your finger on my chin.

2008-11-27T12:44:00.000-08:00

i wrote 'i love you' backwards on your chest while you were sleeping. later when you went into the bathroom you shut the door and did not come out for a long time

i connected the freckles on your back and they look like Boris Yeltsin

if we were to lie down in the desert room together i would put my fingers into the sand until i found yours and we would say nothing and trace the outlines of the iron with our eyes shut

nothing will ever be good enough. not even you.

2008-11-26T15:19:00.000-08:00

you are chopped white mushrooms and i am slivered truffles

guess which one i am and you can move in with me and be my life mate

2008-11-21T13:59:00.000-08:00

2008-11-21T13:47:00.001-08:00

you are a xylophone and i am a marimba lumina

2008-11-21T13:45:00.000-08:00

i'm excited that tracy is posting on her blog again.

last night we sat and talked for a while, or maybe i was drunk and just talked a lot, and it was good.

hi, tracy.

INFP

2008-11-19T19:15:00.000-08:00

i was on Jillian's blog and decided to take the Jung personality test (seeing she had written a bit about it) because i forgot what i was. i am an INFP.

INFP Jung Personality Descriptions: "creative, smart, idealist, loner, attracted to sad things, disorganized, avoidant, can be overwhelmed by unpleasant feelings"

oh and it also said that INFP's are "natural artists', so, suck it everybody who ever hated on me for being bad at A.P. Statistics in high school.

also also, Fred Savage is an INFP. hi, Fred!

2008-11-19T14:31:00.000-08:00

you are the ultimate lips touch and then i wake up dream

ladehoff photo shoot

2008-11-19T13:21:00.000-08:00

good looks run in the family. just kidding.

2008-11-18T17:10:00.000-08:00

you are the sun in july and i am the chick on the beach who refuses to wear sunscreen even on ozone action days cuz bitch i bronze, not burn.

2008-11-18T16:42:00.000-08:00

i like you but i wish you would just fit in my pocket already.

2008-11-18T11:17:00.001-08:00

if you were a piece of sea glass i would put you underneath my tongue,
even if you tasted like dead sand.

2008-11-18T07:12:00.000-08:00

if you were a Bic pen i would always hold you in my hand,
even if you exploded.

2008-11-18T06:53:00.000-08:00

you are the ultimate warm bed in wintertime.

2008-11-16T11:06:00.000-08:00

ultimate drunk crush

2008-11-05T08:12:00.000-08:00

i'm really peeved about the huge amount of people i know who didn't vote/don't care about the election, but at the same time, fuck them, because i am ten thousand times more relieved that obama won. hooray! chi town mofuckazzz

impending sense of destruction

2008-10-27T12:59:00.000-07:00

terrible nightmares about humungous rats attacking my cat, and stepping on skulls, and eating fried albino tomatoes in vinegar.

things to consider while riding public transportation on a late fall evening

2008-10-26T19:15:00.000-07:00

don’t drink and fly if you are a pigeon and there are winds in excess of forty miles per hour because you will crash into your pigeon friends and they will tell you that you have a drinking problem and think you are a massive asshole.

let’s get drunk and yell at each other.

let’s get drunk and say things we don’t mean to each other.

let’s get drunk and yell i love you at each other.

i would not recommend telling your mother that you don’t want to wear your coat; it’s cold outside and you will regret it later when you’re playing kickball with all your little buddies.

i would like to go on a date to hobby lobby with you. you had better pick out something good.

2008-10-16T09:07:00.000-07:00

new robot melon, couple old poems.

don't read them, read other people's things.

i feel like shit today.

2008-10-15T10:15:00.001-07:00

virgin orgasm just got way better.

just kidding, i hate myself.

2008-10-11T21:55:00.001-07:00

DO YOU THINK I'M PRETTY

2008-10-08T15:55:00.003-07:00

and HTML GIANT

also awesome. what's with everyone? good job everyone. i want to do a good job now. i think i will do a good job. i will do my best.

2008-10-08T15:33:00.001-07:00

how did i miss this? ellen kennedy is the shit. read her story 'a pale white hamster yawns in bed' here, and then get excited about good writing.

2008-10-08T14:43:00.001-07:00

if we ever meet, just please promise me you won't give me a high five. i'd rather we hugged. high fives are so impersonal.

2008-10-07T09:16:00.000-07:00

Blake Butler and Ryan Manning and Sam Pink's new blog virgin orgasm is totally awesome because i just left a comment on something and the captcha was 'xhotsx'

game over.

also they are cool dudes.

when i die, i'm donating all my organs to ryan manning

2008-10-06T18:26:00.000-07:00

this just just in

2008-09-28T12:53:00.000-07:00

i am currently accepting applications for a muse.
i don't care if you are a man or a woman.
just tell me something. i want to hear from some real live humans.

lladehoff@gmail.com

bye

THIS JUST IN

2008-09-27T21:00:00.000-07:00

2008-09-14T18:12:00.000-07:00

I didn't realize until Shane Jones emailed me and told me he liked it, but my advice has been published on dogzplot here, after Sam Pink's 28 bits. Thanks Shane. Thanks Sam. Thanks Dogzplot.

2008-08-20T12:02:00.001-07:00

one time you bought me a box of popsicles,
and i thought you were one of my one's.
it turned out you weren't a one, and you're nobody's one,
maybe you're lots of other people's one's, or someone's,
or a one in a line of other ones,
amidst all the other one's everyone else thought would be the one,
but then wasn't,
and you were the next one in line,
waiting to again be someone's one,
in a binary code of lust where the zeros are the real ones

2008-08-12T14:29:00.001-07:00

i had almost forgotten about my piece in the fourth issue of robot melon. i am relatively dissatisfied with the poem that was published. nothing personal against robot melon duh because i like it a lot, but when i saw the new issue was up, i was excited, and then i was like 'oh yeah that one poem', and then i read it and felt like a piece of dog shit.

sorry, internet community.

anyway, everything else is good, so go read all the other things heeeeeeeeeeeeeere

2008-08-01T13:07:00.000-07:00

obtuse sensations remind me of being a kid. this morning it rained for twenty minutes before you left at seven thirty. i wiped the rain water off my bike seat and rode home.

the clouds had disappeared quickly. at eight the world was mostly still and perfect.

it's always so damp here, damp in the winter that shakes your bones to the marrow and damp in the summer that forms sweat through all available pores and you can go three quarters of a day without having to piss.

at eight o clock it was seventy one degrees. i sleep in too often to enjoy the best weather of the day. the heat chokes everything.

the lake pretends to be the sea. we rock the waters with a wake. i said, the world is only getting worse to which my mother replied, oh please, they've been saying that since i was a kid.

here are some instructions for making chocolate milk and then changing your life

2008-07-22T15:07:00.001-07:00

prepare yourself mentally. visualize perfect chocolate milk. concentrate as if you were trying to move a large object with your brain waves.

remove the container of milk that has been patiently awaiting chocolate milk status from your refrigerator.

if you don't have any milk, go get some.

if you have skim milk, quit wasting your time, how insulting to the chocolate.

place the container of milk on a steady surface, preferably somewhere in your kitchen for easiest cleanup and shortest commute back to the fridge.

remove a clean glass from the cupboard.

inspect the glass.

place the glass on the steady surface.

don't use Hershey's chocolate. you will most likely vomit because it is disgusting and too rich and actually not that good for making chocolate milk because it is too hard to control the flow of the syrup from the fat squeeze-bottle top.

use Ovaltine.

Ovaltine is the fiber that holds america together. fuck everything else. Ovaltine.

remove the Ovaltine from the cupboard.

place it next to the glass.

pour the milk into the glass, leaving at least one half-inch of clearance to the lip of the glass.

if you want to get it right, use a tablespoon.

most glasses are relatively the same size.

do not use a Pom Tea glass. it is too tall and will be difficult to stir properly. resist the temptation to use the Pom Tea glass.

scoop two tablespoons, one by one, into the milk. enjoy the visual sensation of the tiny powder pebbles cascading down below the surface of the milk, disappearing and beginning to dissolve. this is magical. this beautiful magical chocolate milk is your creation. it is your child. love the chocolate milk. stir the milk lovingly, as you would stir your affections and attentions all around your own infant.

chug the chocolate milk without any sort of self-restraint, hopefully getting a faint chocolate milk mustache. you might as well end your life immediately afterward. nothing may ever be as simple and beautiful again.

2008-07-21T15:05:00.001-07:00

i finally got my rejection email in response to my submission of a short story to the new yorker. maybe one day. scoff scoff chuckle snort

2008-07-20T13:20:00.000-07:00

i'm staring at myself in the rear view mirror in the back seat on grey leather in someone's car who i met last night, and i think

'i wonder when i will start to develop wrinkles'.

i don't think i frown enough or make facial expressions that require raising or 'furrowing' my brow for it to be any time in the near-ish future.

i am starting to carve laugh lines at each side of my mouth. i think maybe that's a good sign because i smile or laugh often.

i like this thought.

anyway, i'm staring at myself.

i'm fixated on my reflection.

the front windows are down and it's so bright and i forgot my sunglasses and i'm sort of squinting but trying to force myself not to so i don't get crow's feet wrinkles at the edges of my eyes.

wrinkles.

i watch myself smoke.

i watch the smoke come out of my mouth as i exhale.

i wonder if i look 'cool' while i'm smoking.

why do parents always say that people smoke to be 'cool'.

i think how ridiculous that sounds.

i take my eyes off the tiny rendering of my face to look at you out of the corner of my eye.

you're looking out the window at corn fields.

there are so many corn fields here.

i feel stupid.

i look at myself again.

i think i look pretty, sort of, but my eyes are swollen and smoky from chlorine and crying like a god damned baby.

last night you said 'your eyes look smoky. you look pretty', and i was wearing a black one-piece bathing suit i had borrowed that crossed my chest at a straight line and banded around the tops of my arms.

i went inside to go to the bathroom and after peeing looked in the mirror and thought 'i look pretty'.

my mascara had smudged around my eyelids and below my lower lashes when we were in the pool kissing and playing games and splashing around like idiots.

someone had brought their cup of keg beer into the pool.

pool water got into it when she wasn't looking.

i was sitting at the lip of the pool.

i murmured something to you about the pool water in the beer.

you said

'she won't even notice'.

she drank her beer.

she didn't notice.

i wonder if drinking chlorine water is bad.

i feel good because my hair is wet and you told me that i looked pretty.

i feel pretty.

the cranberries float across the pool.

'zombie'.

i begin to sing loudly.

i am drunk.

2008-07-17T06:13:00.000-07:00

cheesy/i love it.

cool

2008-07-02T18:44:00.000-07:00

BRAIN

thanks Ken

a beautiful specimen

2008-07-02T17:30:00.000-07:00

2008-06-27T15:01:00.000-07:00

another piece at seventy two words

2008-06-09T15:35:00.000-07:00

they’d cruise down to the projects on their ten-speeds to get guns pointed in their faces and come back eyes half shut to a quiet house, retreating to their bedrooms to burn it up and shoot it down and around with a belt-looped arm and a sigh of high relief. back up the stairs where one or both would nod off, heads rolling back and eyes in their empty sockets, cigarette in hand ready to burn the whole god damned place down with the ashes at their trembling knuckles. you whisper at me for a while with black pinholes puncturing your glassy blue eyes, oh god you say you love me oh god you’re so pretty and you put your brain on my shoulder so i can stare at the wall some more till they nod off again and we all burn up in a smacked inferno to hell all together in a pretty little bouquet of wilted white lilies.

2008-06-03T07:57:00.001-07:00

more work at seventy two words. i like that blog.

2008-05-25T22:53:00.000-07:00

oh by the way, i have a forthcoming poem in the next issue of robot melon

dear chicago

2008-05-19T14:12:00.000-07:00

i really want to go to this.
who's with me? library cards can get us a free pass!!

2008-05-11T21:33:00.001-07:00

You had an exceptional knack for seduction. In your web I wove my own wicked evenings and you, weaving, ever-weaving; I loved for you one moment. One immaculate instance when I saw your goodness beneath wretched cinderblock engine grease malice. In the flash of your camera lens. In the basement with a cigarette and the gasoline dream.

2008-05-05T13:04:00.001-07:00

i could die to this song, you say. you’ve just put a fraction of a gram of heroin in your nose, and it’s enough to make miles that much more immortal. play this song at my funeral, you say. you stupid high asshole. i’ll dance on your grave in my patent stilettos.

To whom it may concern:

2008-04-09T17:14:00.001-07:00

If you're reading this, I'm sure you've noticed I haven't posted anything in quite a while. This is mostly due to the fact I haven't really been drawing anything lately. I'm working on a series of self-portraits in oil, the first of which is in-process. This blog so far hasn't really been about my life as a painter, but perhaps that can change. I'm not sure if anyone is even going to see this. Do people look at my blog? I've also been writing a lot lately, so that's consumed a lot of my time. I'm reading The Great Gatsby for the second time right now, and have just finished Lolita (Great Gatsby is much better than I had remembered!) Anyhow, I would appreciate any input from people who parouse this thing...so let me know if you'd perhaps like to read some of my writing and maybe this can become a real "traditional" blogger. Cheers!
-Lisa

2008-03-20T17:42:00.001-07:00

and i'll love you forever

2008-02-17T17:11:00.004-08:00

2008-02-17T17:11:00.003-08:00

2008-02-17T17:11:00.001-08:00

2008-02-17T17:10:00.000-08:00

2008-02-14T10:40:00.000-08:00