here are some instructions for making chocolate milk and then changing your life

prepare yourself mentally. visualize perfect chocolate milk. concentrate as if you were trying to move a large object with your brain waves.

remove the container of milk that has been patiently awaiting chocolate milk status from your refrigerator.

if you don't have any milk, go get some.

if you have skim milk, quit wasting your time, how insulting to the chocolate.

place the container of milk on a steady surface, preferably somewhere in your kitchen for easiest cleanup and shortest commute back to the fridge.

remove a clean glass from the cupboard.

inspect the glass.

place the glass on the steady surface.

don't use Hershey's chocolate. you will most likely vomit because it is disgusting and too rich and actually not that good for making chocolate milk because it is too hard to control the flow of the syrup from the fat squeeze-bottle top.

use Ovaltine.

Ovaltine is the fiber that holds america together. fuck everything else. Ovaltine.

remove the Ovaltine from the cupboard.

place it next to the glass.

pour the milk into the glass, leaving at least one half-inch of clearance to the lip of the glass.

if you want to get it right, use a tablespoon.

most glasses are relatively the same size.

do not use a Pom Tea glass. it is too tall and will be difficult to stir properly. resist the temptation to use the Pom Tea glass.

scoop two tablespoons, one by one, into the milk. enjoy the visual sensation of the tiny powder pebbles cascading down below the surface of the milk, disappearing and beginning to dissolve. this is magical. this beautiful magical chocolate milk is your creation. it is your child. love the chocolate milk. stir the milk lovingly, as you would stir your affections and attentions all around your own infant.

chug the chocolate milk without any sort of self-restraint, hopefully getting a faint chocolate milk mustache. you might as well end your life immediately afterward. nothing may ever be as simple and beautiful again.